365 Days of Growth
The selected pieces highlight the most important elements of the discovery process including medium exploration, skill development, and preference selection.
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Day 1
Where it all started; My quest for self-knowledge. The first step towards fully becoming who I am; self-actualization. Understanding what drives me and what tears me down; learning to recognize limitation and how to develop beyond those limitations… determined to identify and overcome barriers. The first step on a life changing journey about passion, creativity, and daily engagement in growth.
State: Over-stimulation, prevention strategies
Engagement: 3
Total Hours: 0
Day 25
After 25 days of drawing circles and exploring different mediums, I became bored and needed to find new ways of engaging in this activity that were stimulating. This was the point in which my mind started seeing how to transition from 2D to 3D. It started with a basic grid (x, y, z) and slowly developed to a better understanding of form. This is about the time shadows, light, and relationships between elements began to become important.
State: Happy, balanced, calm, family time
Engagement: 3
Total Hours: 32
Day 60
I was beginning to develop an understanding of space, shadow and light: an attempt to create a curved effect. These preliminary works led to the development of 3D effect, or bringing the circles off the page.
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State: lots of activity, tired, inflammation, rest
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 62
Day 61
More exploration with optical illusions and attempting to come off the page. This period was also the first time I experienced extreme fatigue and nervous system decline without it negatively impacting my perception of reality. I was exhausted and felt terrible, but my mind was consistently in a positive state.
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State: Tired in all ways, vision changes, nausea
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 63
Day 62
Exploring the relationships between the elements on the page. Attempting to create depth and movement through shadow, light and perspective. Although I was positive just one day before, the fatigue and lack of quality sleep tipped pushed me into a lower state.
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State: Very low energy, sporadic sleep
Engagement: 4
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Total hours 65
Day 73
Up until this point I had been working on bringing the images off the page. I had learned more about contrast and depth and was attempting to create the illusion of going into the paper. This image was selected to demonstrate the real frustration experienced when your nervous system is dis-regulated. The sensation of tension, increased heart rate and building frustration are indicators of cognitive dissonance; or what is experienced when trying to solve a problem without the right resources. The recognition of this state is where my self-regulation journey began.
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State: disorientation, no emotion, panic
Engagement: 2
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Total Hours: 79
Day 76
This was a re-attempt at achieving an inward illusion on the page. Although I was not able to achieve what I had hoped for, I was able to learn more about depth, perspective and form. I had not yet learned about cylinders or the use of 3D shapes as the building blocks for the human form. Earliest use of "key" skills; unaware.
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State: family/cats (connected), down time, rest, health
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 79
Day 77
To this point I had explored medium and landed on pencil, primarily using grey scale while exploring other elements like precision line work, depth, and light. I felt that it was time to begin reincorporating color, but in a purposeful way. This was just one month before a major life transition.
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State: development, networking, heavy project focus, productive, (build this website today)
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 79
Day 93
Study of how light moves through glass, refraction. What happens when there is an imperfection inside the glass, how does that impact where the light leaves the other side. I began to look more closely at how light acts in nature. Natural beauty became even more interesting.
State: moving, stress, fight
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 96
Day 97
Application of theory about how light moves through glass, refraction. This was a challenging period just days before our total relocation from Albania to the US. We had moved out of our apartment and were living with family until our departure.
State: poor coping, stress, limbo
Engagement: 3
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Total Hours: 96
Day 101
This was the first time I attempt to apply my knowledge of form, light & shadow, and my basic understanding of value to a still life (drawn from picture)
State: good feelings, productive growth, calm, project
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 114
Day 116
Practice: Here I was attempting to use learned knowledge (form, value, depth, light & shadow ) in a fun way to create a soft, round appearance.
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State: purpose realignment towards motivation, discouragement waning
Engagement: 2
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Total Hours: 156
Day 124
First attempt at self-portrait
State: drained, mild anxiety, good relationships
Engagement: 2
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Total Hours: 162
Day 149
First attempt at human body form
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State: Some anxiety, neutral feelings
Engagement: 2
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Total Hours: 198
Day 157
Applying knowledge of reflection, refraction, form and value. This is the first time I was proud of my effort
State: Friend reunion, rest, hip/leg/back pain
Engagement: 4
Total Hours: 220
Day 160
Desire to learn more about color theory. Initial color study.
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State: Major rib pain impacting mood, ongoing noticeable growth in art
Engagement: 3
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Total Hours: 228
Day 162
During this period of time, I was applying my knowledge of color, light reflection, form and still lifes directly to the things I saw throughout my day. I was closely examining how light and color work together. I learned that continuous “lines” don’t really exist in reality and that our minds fill in a lot to generate a picture.
State: ankle injury, rest/self-care, mental & physical rest
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 229
Day 163
Applying knowledge of color, light refraction, form and still life-s (first attempt at backlight and light illumination)
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State: self/care, recovery, mental activation
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 230
Day 177
Applying all current knowledge including:
Color, Light, Value, Form & Perspective
State: improved mental capacity/engagement, able to reconnect mind to activity, more positive
Engagement: 4
Total Hours: 248
Day 178
Second attempt at apple still life, this time with color and from a real apple not an image of an apple
State: Mental Engagement, rest, energy recovery
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 250
Days 198 - 202
By this time I has generated quite a few pieces I was proud of. I had learned a few things and was able to consistently apply them. However, it became overwhelming to try to match quality levels from day to day, and my interest in the activity quickly declined. I was also very busy with work. I transitioned from creating something to every day, to working on one piece for multiple days. I worked on this piece for 5 days, and shifted between two states.
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State: energetic, positive but feeling empty, necessity for shift in approach, tired
Engagement: 4
Total Hours: 288
Day 222
Second attempt at self-portrait; unable to do details on face. At this point I had a solid grasp of how to use value to create depth, light and shadow. I was no longer looking at the lines and shapes, but rather where the light was and where it wasn't. This piece started a series of portraits, using this knowledge, to capture skin folds and muscle definition.
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State: tired, muscle pain, optimistic
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 300
Day 223
I was battling an injury at this time but was excited about my new ability to use grey scale to recreate details that I previously was not able to see nor generate. I was also getting faster at creating quality pieces.
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States: injury, pain, optimism, excitement
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 303
Day 228 - 230
My Mom and I were standing on the back deck in the late afternoon. The sun was low in the sky and the light bounced off her skin in such a beautiful way. As we know, certain lights are not the best for photo-taking, however, this light was perfect for what I was trying to practice. After this piece, and the reaction I got, I decided to only practice with my own face... hence the remaining portraits. First time consciously experiencing rejection sensitivity dysphoria
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State: disorientation , panic, no emotion
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 309
Day 249
Only looking at light and shadow. Focus is on bringing light to the surface. Focus on expression and details.
State: positive, but drained, recovery from rejection sensitivity dysphoria, shift to self-portraits
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 326
Day 275
I felt really strongly about the first attempt at capturing how skin moves, that I tried it again. I left out the elements I felt were unnecessary and focused on really observing how light hits the swells and depths of skin. This piece took three days. During that time, I shifted in an out of two different states.
State: Mental Engagement, rest, energy recovery
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 343
Days 307 - 311
By this point, my priorities had completely shifted towards school and starting a new full time job. Because I had not engaged in several weeks, I decided to use the data points for the whole time I was disengaged from this project to generate this piece. I had previously done something similar with color pencil, but did not like the transparent look. Recreated here with pastels. I worked on this piece for 5 days. The last day, I lost interest and my state dropped. I decided to not complete the details.
State: Friend reunion, rest, hip/leg/back pain
Engagement: 4
Total Hours: 363
Final Piece Prep
I had stopped engaging almost completely for nearly two month and could feel the end of the project coming; heavy with the disappointment of not wanting nor being able to engage. I returned to the process I had started developing for myself to be able to engage without the need to "create", but this time the idea of creativity wasn't overwhelming. I was confident in the skills I had developed and knew exactly what I was capable of doing. I chose the elements of this piece based on what I knew I could do and what I wanted to express.
Days 353 - 365
This final piece has a lot of meaning to me, but primarily it is a culmination of all the knowledge gained throughout this project. From Day 1, I played with mediums until I found my preference, I learned how to create the appearance of a round object with depth; I learned how to apply color to objects and how the saturation of color changes in light and shadow. Before starting, I attempted to do a color portrait but quickly realized that I did not have the knowledge to apply color to skin well enough to generate a quality, summative piece and decided to stick with grayscale on the portrait and use vibrant, rich colors on the circles.
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State: excited, engaged, euphoric, heavy mental engagement
Engagement: 4
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Total Hours: 451
Self-Actualization
The question addressed in this study was, "does how I spend my time impact my ability to grow?'
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The answer is, yes. But not in the way you might think. As mentioned previously, the things we do to survive are the same things we do to live and grow.
The difference? HOW WELL you do those things.
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Your body will tell you exactly what you need, but most people think those signals are bad and require medication (most do not).
Those signals, that discomfort, all of the anxiety, is your body trying to get your attention.
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Start listening. You'll learn the language, it just takes time and regular practice taking care of yourself. You can learn to live with your body and mind instead of constantly fighting yourself.
Learn yourself. Become a whole person. Grow with purpose.
"Happiness is not something ready made; it comes from your own actions."
- Abraham Maslow